August 6, 2018

I am so fucking depressed. It's that niggling kind that scares me because I wonder if the void pit lurks behind it. There are moments of enthusiasm, often because of a project and I chase it gratefully to escape the muted fear but then it passes and I'm back to grey.  Funny, one of my favorite colors.  Kris hates it.  If that doesn't symbolize our relationship...

That shitty cycle: enthusiasm, doubt, self-loathing, fear, terror, void.  I'm at fear and white-knuckling it waiting for that last minute swerve.

I started this post and now I don't even feel like finishing it.  So I'm going to stop.